Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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