Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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