I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
