What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
