Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize