Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize