i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
