Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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