our cab driver is having phone sex.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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