Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
