You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
