why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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