You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
