he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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