I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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