I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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