So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
