The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
