Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
