i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
