and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize