i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
