His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
its liver damage thursday
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
