I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
