if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize