aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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