Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
