You just made me feel so damn special
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
