does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
