just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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