i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
