you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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