Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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