Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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