Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
