im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
