it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
