I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize