New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
A+ Viking dick
I think my moral compass just broke
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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