i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
