in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
