I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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