Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
