I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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