I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
