dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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