Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize