Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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