I wish I only lived at night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
