Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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