why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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