Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
