You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize