"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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