FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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