After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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