Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
