The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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