trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
