it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize