my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
