If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
