We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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