TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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