How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Im part way to drunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
