You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
