why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize