she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
