Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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