I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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