I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
