Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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