So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
