I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
