I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize