this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
