nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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