you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
