and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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