return my video game
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
