never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
