Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
