i barfeds in our rink
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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