My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
