its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
