i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
