I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
