Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You ruined the universe
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
