i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
