I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
