Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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