we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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