I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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