i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
