I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
