Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
