fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
