dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
