I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
why is half of my head shaved?
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