Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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