it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
