also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
