I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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