she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
