so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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