was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize