I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
